Thursday, February 08, 2007
Tired
I'm getting sick of life.
Everyday is the same ol', same ol'.
And it's not the same old fun stuff. It's the same old sickening stuff.
A typical day in our lives would consist of:
- Feeling depressed as we get out of bed;
- rushing off to school, boring lessons, bastard and bitch teachers targeting us;
- sitting for two or three tests which we never studied for;
- getting piled up with more homework (to be added to the already mountain-high pile of overdue homework);
- CCA till 7pm (all the while thinking about how the fuck you will be able to complete your homework or study for tests);
- reaching home at 8pm to have dinner (will probably be out of appetite), take a shower;
- do a little homework till around 10.30pm;
- worry about the shit that will come tomorrow, consider suicide;
- worry about the shit that will come the days to follow (tuition, piano lessons, AQ training, more tuition, Common Tests approaching...), consider suicide;
- worry about problems you have going on between your peers and family and yourself, consider suicide;
- think about things you can never change, think about the one you want to be with;
- say a silent prayer to the non-existant 'God' for strength to carry on...
- catch the few hours of 'sleep' we can get with eyes open...
...
We all lead meaningless lives.
We have only one lives. I know that. And I do try to make best of my time. But squeezing too much shit in without a break somewhere or another will just cause one to lose focus in life.
To feel stressed up.
A couple of years on Earth is given to most of us. Treasure it. Enjoy it.
You do not come to fucking work your ass off and die. There's no significance in that, and I bet nobody wants that either.
I am here on Earth. Life is given to me, like it or not. I will lead it my way and enjoy it.
I am not here to try to make a big difference on Earth. I am not here to satisfy you. I don't give a fucking damn what anyone says about me. I do not live my life to satisfy anyone. I am here to savour my life, my way. I can be broke and single but be happy, can't I?
What if I just die in a car crash tomorrow? Would doing my homework of the previous day help me anyway?
How many people come to my funeral, does that really matter? Dead people don't know no nuts. Even if i had made a great positive change to the world, say I discover an alternative source of energy, and be remembered by generations to follow, will I lead a meaningful life? Maybe I had just worked my whole fucking life away for it.What matters is when I look back as my life flashes past, would I have regrets? Did I lead a happy, meaningful life?
I don't want to be famous, I don't need to be liked, I just want to be happy, and lead a carefree life.
Sorry, for typing so much junk here. Typical whining blog post of a Secondary 4 student, victim of the Singapore education system.
Or maybe it's just Nan Hua.
Maybe it's just me.
Tired.
The Madman™Labels: life, stress, tired
